On Ready Feet

Am I blooming where I'm planted? This topic came up recently along with the question of what I want to be and what I want to do. Once upon a great while ago, I would have yelled, YES! Look at me, I am the model of blooming. Notice the impact I am making in the ground, just soaking up the sun in all its goodness.I know, my blooms are pretty - what about yours? Can that be said of me now? I was filling out my application to become a student cru staff member for the summer at Walt Disney World when I got stuck. The question boggled me. Am I influencing my campus now and making the most of my opportunity as a student with Cru? I have to be honest. While I am growing in discipleship, my discipling of others is at a standstill. I believe in prayer, but am not holding onto its power. I trust the Word of God, but I am not living it each day. My hope is in His grace, but I am not abiding in His forgiveness every moment. I am a timid vine, not a full-fledged rose. That I would daily ...

"What do you WANT to do? if you could do anything?" The text glares at me, begging the silent question through the fingerprinted screen. I want to make enough money to buy a new phone. But that's not the question. The question is bigger than I want to answer. I'll be graduating in May, as in three months from now May, as in I'd better get a handle on my life before that date of graduation in May. Then what? If I could do ANYTHING... Marine biology pops into my head. That's the little 10-year-old me talking, saying that it's what I always wanted to do. I have held a fascination for the ocean for as long as I can possibly remember, and the remarkable creatures therein. From endangered sea turtles to 30 foot long squid, marine biology has been the answer to explore my deep water dreams. Teaching, now why does that come to mind? I had an 11th grade U.S. history teacher who was one of the greatest  ladies I have ever known. She was so passionate a...

After a weekend of laughter, fun and excitement, back to the bloggershpere we go... Today marks the birthday of two very dear friends, from two very different backgrounds, from two very different stories. As I use this day as an excuse to make them cards and bake them cookies, I am reminded of just how their vibrance and beauty has affected my life.  One was my childhood kindred spirit. She was adorable, even when covered with mud from my backyard. I loved her like a sister and we had everything in common, we even shared the same crush. As life happened, we  held on, strongly at first but we eventually losing our grip. We reunited once again in college, but it was like a Twilight Zone  moment, realizing we would never relate as we once had. I still treasure the memories preserved of us in scrapbooks, and the letters she has sent and I can't wait to share the joy of her marriage (she will get married before me, I'm positive) and hearing about her growth in faith and...

Depression is always something I have struggled with, among other things. It is a constant battle, but most of the time I don't even try to fight it. I have thought about medication, therapy, psychiatrists or counseling but could never bring myself to rely on other things, or people, to fight my battles. It has been a constant fight in college, every semester the ugly thing called depression rears its huge head and I am ashamed to say I hide and let it take over. It comes in periods of days, or weeks or months and I am always left with the sensation that is never really goes. Depression is hard to describe. I've realized that over the years. I'm actually taking a creative writing class to help me to learn how, if possible, it can be described. Imagine a dark, heavy something pinning you to the ground, forcing you to close your eyes and tune out the world. You have limited sensations, your ears barely able to pinpoint someone calling your name and your mouth unwilling to c...

I loved The Vow. I am not much of a movie reviewer, particularly if I have read the book and the movie is NOTHING like the book. BUT in this case, I loved the movie. Not to mention, there were thirteen of us girls ("All the single ladies...") in a theater packed with couples on Valentine's night with ready Kleenex and buttered popcorn. It was like girly heaven. The story goes: Leo awkwardly meets Paige. Paige and Leo grow to love each other.  Leo and Paige get married. Paige loses her memory of even being married or meeting Leo after a terrible car accident. Leo tries to help her remember. She can't and tries to go back to life before she met him. But he can't give up...and I can't give away the ending. You can hear the sobs and snuffles reverberating through the theater and it breaks your heart. I felt horrible for all of the male viewers, thinking that they had to match up to the pure and true Leo in pursuing their significant other. Fact is, I'm gla...

In exactly one month from now I will be on a plane, heading to East Asia. Nervousness, excitedness and general unknowingness fill my mind with what the adventure on the other side of the pond will bring. It will only last for a week, but I am praying for God to move in big ways. But...I tend to start in little ways. A language book is my first order of business, and as I boggle and bundle my way through rather ridiculously, my lips sputtering and tongue slaughtering the words, I think "I need of a tutor." English is my spoken word, but I have always had a fascination with other cultures and their speech. German, Spanish, Italian and Mandarin Chinese are now among my attempted languages, hopefully the last one won't end in frustration like the former.  Thus, my tutoring begins. Luer Jin is my unofficial interpreter and official friend, willing to help me when I feel like throwing my book in the dirt. Her accent is beautiful, but she slows her perfect pronunciation ...

No, my '84 Ford Crown Victoria (a.k.a. Queen Vicky) has not had a break down. Yet. Yes, her Majesty squeals and complains with a low intolerance for being ignored, but she still has a huge heart. And a huge body. More on her later... Actually, mental breakdowns are the life ordeals to which I am referring. Everyone has them (this is not based on any statistic or figure, just plain human nature). They are defined as those times in which one completely loses oneself mentally, becoming unstable, irrational and an overall nutcase to be around. Now, there are perfectly justifiable reasons why breakdowns should occur, too many for me to calculate at this time, in fact. Financial stress, occupational stress, emotional stress (for women, you know to what time of month this applies), physical stress, etc, etc, etc. My personal breakdowns happen to be a combination of most all of these factors. I was talking to a friend and the subject of future plans and family expectations came up, which o...

The best way to start the future is by looking to the past.  I think I heard that once, or maybe I just made it up. Hopefully, in this case, it won't be true. I have attempted, struggled, and failed to produce two previous blogs. My reasoning? Laziness, scared that being real (through a faceless internet medium) would scare potential followers or friends or even family, or that I would not dedicate the proper amount of time to document life (or the reverse, that my life would be neglected for this virtual version of my life). All caution aside, it is time to be ready, on my feet, for where ever this goes...