Big Deal
There's a saying that goes "I'm kind of a big deal."
I always laugh at that, because of how it's said - either people who say it are mocking themselves and don't actually believe they are "all that". On the other hand, people who say it genuinely believe they have it all and are really the truest of big deals. Such an interesting twist of a saying, don't you think?
Me, I usually fall into the former spectrum, those people who tend to not see their worth as something to laud, humbling to the point of aggravating. The latter camp are those I admire, their confidence sells and I desire it. Confidence does not come easy for me, but neither does humility. Let me unpack what I mean.
I'm not a big deal, but at the same time I wish I was, I'm glad I'm not. For me, there is too much pressure in upholding the status of "big deal" and yet when I meet people who are the genuine article I'm impressed by their charisma. If you're in the "big deal" quadrant - what is your big deal "factor", if you will? What about you makes you fee like a big deal? Standing on the none big-deal side, I feel pretty comfortable, not being in the spotlight, not being noticed. It's not a bad life, I just wonder how some people arrived at their big deal break and maybe what mine will be when it comes.
I've wondered if I'll be a writer - will that make me a pretty big deal?
I've wondered if I'll be an amazing baker - could that do the trick?
Or, is it plainly, simply, that I have all the big deal-ness I'll ever need and all I need do is discover it inside me somewhere. There are perhaps glimpses, here and there, spots where a little deal might become a bigger deal. Will I develop my artistry skills and actually make something I'm proud of, like my talented sister Casey? Or will I climb Kilimanjaro someday, like my dear friend John? Will I find that I'm really good at cooking, becoming the best griller in the neighborhood, like my boyfriend Rob? Or will I write a book, or several, living out my faith with passion through the words I write, like my childhood friend Catie? They are pretty big deals, although they may not admit it, they are. They inspire me to find what makes me a big deal.
I always laugh at that, because of how it's said - either people who say it are mocking themselves and don't actually believe they are "all that". On the other hand, people who say it genuinely believe they have it all and are really the truest of big deals. Such an interesting twist of a saying, don't you think?
Me, I usually fall into the former spectrum, those people who tend to not see their worth as something to laud, humbling to the point of aggravating. The latter camp are those I admire, their confidence sells and I desire it. Confidence does not come easy for me, but neither does humility. Let me unpack what I mean.
I'm not a big deal, but at the same time I wish I was, I'm glad I'm not. For me, there is too much pressure in upholding the status of "big deal" and yet when I meet people who are the genuine article I'm impressed by their charisma. If you're in the "big deal" quadrant - what is your big deal "factor", if you will? What about you makes you fee like a big deal? Standing on the none big-deal side, I feel pretty comfortable, not being in the spotlight, not being noticed. It's not a bad life, I just wonder how some people arrived at their big deal break and maybe what mine will be when it comes.
I've wondered if I'll be a writer - will that make me a pretty big deal?
I've wondered if I'll be an amazing baker - could that do the trick?
Or, is it plainly, simply, that I have all the big deal-ness I'll ever need and all I need do is discover it inside me somewhere. There are perhaps glimpses, here and there, spots where a little deal might become a bigger deal. Will I develop my artistry skills and actually make something I'm proud of, like my talented sister Casey? Or will I climb Kilimanjaro someday, like my dear friend John? Will I find that I'm really good at cooking, becoming the best griller in the neighborhood, like my boyfriend Rob? Or will I write a book, or several, living out my faith with passion through the words I write, like my childhood friend Catie? They are pretty big deals, although they may not admit it, they are. They inspire me to find what makes me a big deal.
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