Burdened

An original free verse 

following the prayer of Job

 (Old Testament Scripture)

It's 12:30am

 and I can't sleep

It's pouring rain outside my window 

Lightening is shattering the sky

and thunder is heaving

And I feel so small

There can't be joy in this storm

There can't be goodness

not in this torrential downpour

When given terrible, grief-inducing news 

my heart wavers

and 

I can't help but wonder

How can there be a silver lining?

I see rainbows, magnificent and radiant

and I can't help but ponder

where, 

in the hurt and horror, 

does it belong?

Have I, have We, angered God?

Why does he lash against the world?

Another crack of light splits the sky

And I shiver in awe

 I am so very mortal

Not able to stand against the forces of nature

I cannot tell a wave where to crash

I cannot still the winds

I can only kneel

He takes and he gives and only he knows why

Why a brother gone so soon?

Why disease and pain and brokenness?

Why the storm mercilessly battering until the reprieve?

It is after, in the silence and stillness of dawn,

He whispers

"Come to me. I am mighty. But I am good,"

"Come. I am powerful. But I am kind."

"Come. My child, I love you."

In the battle of "what should be" versus the "truth of what is"

I find myself caught

Dangling helplessly to hope

It is in the hard moments,

the hurting heart, 

pounding in pain

it is in the sadness, 

the lightning-shock of grief

it is there

we are met

we are seen

we are loved.